A little over a year ago my wife was gifted a large collection of vinyl records that includes music from a wide variety of artists and genres. Sorting through the artwork of the albums, reading the lyrics, and researching their current value started the adventure. Well into the adventure we’ve listened to many of the records enjoying the exploration and discovery of artists from years gone by and reconnecting with long lost favorites. Most of us have a favorite artist or genre and we’ll listen to relax, unwind, energize, dance, sing, celebrate or more! Knowing what kind of music moves you and others is key to tuning into the moment and making the most of it. Ultimately, the right song at the right time moves us!

The vinyl experience is similar to our emotional expression as we engage and communicate with others. Humans are emotional first and rational second. It’s the science of how we are wired. Our emotional experience in the moment is shared with others through how we express ourselves both verbally and nonverbally. Just as our favorite song moves us so are our emotions the drivers of our performance. How we chose to express ourselves has an impact.  A few years ago, Barbara Corcoran Real Estate Mogul on the tv show Shark Tank told an entrepreneur “I hear your words but not the music” as she acknowledged he had a great idea but lacked a compelling vision for the idea.  Emotional Expression is not about over the top or exaggerated levels of emotions in our communication but emotions that align to and support the intent of our message.

Just as musical notes enhance the power of lyrics, emotions enhance the power of our message.

For some of us the increased use of emotions in our communication may be a development opportunity and there are several strategies to get us started.

  • Just as Chris and I took an inventory of the albums and artists we should start with our inner selves and emotional self-awareness. Taking a moment to specifically identify the emotion we are experiencing creates opportunity for greater authenticity in our expression. As a comparison how do you experience being satisfied and being happy? Or, how do you experience being irritated or being frustrated.  To further aid in exploration do a search for the “wheel of emotion” and you’ll be able to make more emotional connections. As musical notes create a catchy tune emotional connections make a moment. We want to be able to tune up and not tune out.
  • Start with the positive. Positive emotions are usually easier to express than negative emotions. Thank someone for their work, Express gratitude for someone’s help, Share an optimistic thought or idea. Regardless, of the opportunity always remember to smile. Once this becomes more comfortable begin sharing emotions that are less than positive. Something that comes up in a conversation that is concerning or frustrating. Asking questions to ensure clarity of your intent can be helpful. If there’s not a positive, be the positive.

Those of us who are more expressive may also benefit from some fine tuning to our expression.

  • When expressing our emotions comes freely it can sometimes pull our attention away from how others are experiencing our message in the moment. Stay focused on the other people in the moment by noticing facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. If we see cues that are not aligned to what would be expected we may need to fine tune our delivery.
  • Strong emotions should be shared with the level of detail, facts, and information to provide clarity and understanding to the reason we feel the way we do.  Rather than simply expressing frustration present the detail that created it. It may be beneficial to put it in writing before sharing it. Reviewing your message with a trusted colleague or executive coach could provide valuable feedback and perspective. Identify what has been learned and can be practiced to create more positive solutions in the future for similar experiences. Example: If you know that your wife is stressed out from a long day and enjoys listening to Marvin Gaye or Aretha Franklin because it relaxes her, then don’t put on AC/DC.

Just as the right song at the right time can make a memory that lasts a lifetime so can how we express our emotions to those around us create impacts and outcomes that benefit us all.  To learn more about your emotional intelligence and understanding what moves you and how you move others, reach out!  We’ll get you tuned up!