“I can’t”

“I’m not good enough”

“What did I do wrong?”

“I’ll never be able to do it”

“It has to be right all the time”

Self-Regard as defined by the EQ-i 2.0 model of emotional intelligence is respecting oneself while understanding and accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses. Self-Regard is often associated with feelings of inner strength and self-confidence.

While Self-Regard is a multifaceted skill most often in my debriefs with clients about this skill the conversation centers around confidence and many times the negative impact of perfectionism. Whether it’s perfectionism or other reasons, I’d like to share several strategies that have had a positive impact for people.

  • Replace “Perfect” with “Excellent” in your self-talk. Perfectionism shows up in Self-talk as the question “What did I do wrong?” Over time this is going to create and foster a critical perspective of ourselves that will erode our confidence. Replace “What did I do wrong?” with “What did I do well and what can I do different next time?” This question relieves us of the perfectionism trap and allows us to create positive momentum not critical reflection.
  • Remember DragNet? The detective series with Jack Webb and his famous saying “Just the facts?” Unhealthy Self-Doubt occurs when we are holding ourselves in a critical mindset about a situation, event, or engagement where there is zero evidence or facts to support the negative approach we have with our self. Ask yourself for the facts and if you want to smile in the moment ask yourself in the tone that Jack Webb would use. I’m fairly certain you’ll realize the facts do not support the reason you are feeling the way you do. We are then free to pursue a more confident path forward.

Emotional Intelligence can be developed. It just takes practice. You can do it. It’s always best to have a supportive person with whom you can share your journey. Whether it’s a coach, close friend, or family member. Let’s help each other.

If you’d like to explore more about emotional intelligence please Contact Us or explore our website www.leadershipcall.com