The skill of emotional flexibility has been on my mind lately. As defined by the EQ-i 2.0 model “Flexibility is adapting emotions, thoughts and behaviors to unfamiliar, unpredictable, and dynamic circumstances or ideas.” I think we can all relate to dynamic circumstances. The challenge is that embracing new ways during times of stress can be difficult. The CEO of Nokia said during his final press conference when they were acquired by Microsoft said “We didn’t do anything wrong, but somehow, we lost.” They may not have done anything wrong but that’s not the same as doing the right thing at the right time.
We all know that life is going to throw us curveballs. Some we’ll see coming and some we won’t. The challenge is that while the curveball is coming our way the rules of the game are also changing. Relying on “if it ain’t broke don’t fix it” may have worked when the pace of the world was much slower (did it ever really work?) but that’s not the world we live in today. Which brings me to the next quote that resonates for todays environment. “If you don’t like change you are going to like irrelevance even less” General Eric Shinseki.
All that being said, even the most logical change is always going to have emotions involved. Whether it’s individually or leading our teams leveraging emotional flexibility will allow us to embrace change, in fact it may even allow us to be the change leader.
One of the best strategies for developing flexibility (it’s actually a great strategy for all 15 EQ-I skills) is to leverage the Rational Emotive Behavior Theory by Dr. Albert Ellis. Otherwise known as the ABCDE system. (Activation, Beliefs, Consequences, Dispute, Effects) Here is a link to a detailed explanation of the ABCDE approach from a previous blog.
In support of the ABCDE theory and if you have difficulty with change, write down what emotions accompany your thoughts of incorporating change. When looking through your list, ensure that your emotional reactions to the change are realistic. Examine past situations where you realize you could have been more flexible and what emotions or attitudes would have been beneficial in that moment.
Resistance to change may come from an overreliance on old patterns but it may also come from a hesitation to step outside our comfort zone. Most of us agree that our growth occurs outside of our comfort zone and many of us are living that moment today. Reframing what we might have called “mistakes” to “opportunities to grow” will fuel our ability to positively approach future opportunities (where in the past we might have called them obstacles).
I looked up strategies to hit a curveball and this is what I found.
Preparation & studying the pitcher’s habits (Knowing our own habits, ABCDE)
Knowing the proper keys to hitting the off-speed pitch (Having strategies to use)
Practicing curveball drills (Practicing flexibility with the moments life gives us)
Even the pro’s and as we’ve seen the CEO’s don’t knock it out of the park with each opportunity. What we can do is make the most of what comes our way by leveraging the best of who we are for the future we’d most like to create.
All the best,
